the things we leave behind...
i was reading some old journals of mine tonight after he went to bed and i realized while i was reading that i wasn't really crazy all that time at all.
well, not on my own.
funny thing, i jumped on a roller coaster and couldn't seem to get off.
and the person controlling the ride was the person who designed the ride ... so i never had a snowball's chance to begin with. how does that happen to us? how do we allow ourselves to get in a place where we either lose our judgement, or, we are so low within ourselves that we just can't release the safety harness when the ride slows down enough to jump? i'm not sure how it happens. all i know is after the ride is over, you got off weak kneed, wobbly and sick and never want to ride a rollercoaster again.
my mental health professional (who by the way also says i'm not crazy, he prefers the term bipolar manic depressive) says that after all i have endured it is amazing that i still have the capacity to trust or put faith in those things that i cannot see, that my faith should be shattered. but you know, it just can't be this way.
i don't know how to explain it all.
my whole reality with love has changed. and finally, finally, love meets my expectations. No, to be honest, it meets my ideal. It meets ideally what my perception of love is and will be. finally, my vision of what love should be and what love is match up in my reality.
after reading those journals it's easy to see how rollercoasters have become calm seas.
he is exceptional. he is the boy, he's the forever boy. he's the boy who won't cut and run when times get tough. he's the boy who comforts me, he's the boy who keeps me safe and warm, he's the boy who loves me and listens to me whine.
do you know how i know it's just so right?
we don't even have to try
making love is an incredibly fulfilling adventure
and it's so effortless and easy
and the quiet time we spend together... just us
i cherish those times and live and breathe on them
and right now, it's very late and i'm going to sleep on them
later
well, not on my own.
funny thing, i jumped on a roller coaster and couldn't seem to get off.
and the person controlling the ride was the person who designed the ride ... so i never had a snowball's chance to begin with. how does that happen to us? how do we allow ourselves to get in a place where we either lose our judgement, or, we are so low within ourselves that we just can't release the safety harness when the ride slows down enough to jump? i'm not sure how it happens. all i know is after the ride is over, you got off weak kneed, wobbly and sick and never want to ride a rollercoaster again.
my mental health professional (who by the way also says i'm not crazy, he prefers the term bipolar manic depressive) says that after all i have endured it is amazing that i still have the capacity to trust or put faith in those things that i cannot see, that my faith should be shattered. but you know, it just can't be this way.
i don't know how to explain it all.
my whole reality with love has changed. and finally, finally, love meets my expectations. No, to be honest, it meets my ideal. It meets ideally what my perception of love is and will be. finally, my vision of what love should be and what love is match up in my reality.
after reading those journals it's easy to see how rollercoasters have become calm seas.
he is exceptional. he is the boy, he's the forever boy. he's the boy who won't cut and run when times get tough. he's the boy who comforts me, he's the boy who keeps me safe and warm, he's the boy who loves me and listens to me whine.
do you know how i know it's just so right?
we don't even have to try
making love is an incredibly fulfilling adventure
and it's so effortless and easy
and the quiet time we spend together... just us
i cherish those times and live and breathe on them
and right now, it's very late and i'm going to sleep on them
later
posted by crazy in kc @ 12:31 AM
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