10 minutes to tell it ...

i am up ! and awake !

and i have given myself 10 minutes to write unhindered and unencumbered by anything other than words... so here goes...

friends don't let friends make stupid mistakes, and yet they do anyway...so does this mean our friends just don't listen to us? yes, of course it does. men especially do not listen! look, if i come right out and tell you that the girl you want to hook up with is a whore that doesn't make me a jealous bitch, it just means that i care enough about you that i don't want you to be hurt later. for god's sake, don't take it as an overture to get in your pants... think with the big head god gave you for once already.

and women, my god, women, women, do not wear blinders all the damn time. if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and shits a mess like a duck, it's probably a lame fucking duck in a man suit. get over it already!

and one more thing about women right now since i'm on the subject, listen up, you do not need a man to do things in this world! yes, i love my boyfriend, i adore him, and yes, many, many, many things i feel that i could not do without him, but, they are because of the moral and emotional support he lends me. he isn't the one here moving boxes or packing up the house... i am doing that all on my own. and i will be the one ripping up carpet on my own. so while i need him emotionally and spiritually, i still know that if push came to shove, i can do it by myself. and the bottom line is ... a woman has to know that she can.

i don't think the boy would mind me writing that a woman has to know that she can stand alone... he wants me to be able to stand alone. and you know what? it might be a good thing that i am standing alone right now, because as much as he wants to come in and do things for me, and as much as i want him to sometimes, i need this time to say "look what i did all by myself" i need that feeling of self assurance, of independence, of knowing that i'm strong and independent. strong, independent women do better in relationships than women who can't think for themselves, because i think eventually men get tired of doing all the thinking for both people, unless they are the type who like to boss people around and be in control constantly. and strong, independent women usually raise strong, independent children, which this world needs more of, in my humble opinion.

my mom was strong and independent, but it was fucked up because our lives were always being dictated by my dad's dependency issues and bipolar issues. but still, if my mom hadn't been strong enough to hang with all that and deal, and show us the right way, who the fuck knows what we might have become? and yes, she could have left my dad, and she did many, many times, but things were different back then and the situation was fubar. so look forward, and not back.

i have to thank my mom for that anyway, because she stuck it out, i became a survivor. i could go the other way and piss and moan and say what a rotten childhood i had, but you know, that's all noise too. there were awfully good times, and there were awfully bad times, and you choose what you want to remember and take with you. you can be a victim, or you can be a survivor. and i choose the latter. i always say if i survived my childhood, i can survive any little shit that comes my way. my sister doesn't think of it that way... she doesn't think of her childhood at all, and never learned a lesson from it. and really, that's just sad. because there were several lessons to be learned... like ...

if money is all you have to worry about, you don't have a damn thing to worry about

even if you only have one friend, make it a good one and cherish them

fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

no matter how fucked up things are at home, don't drag your problems into work

always give to people who have less than you, even if you think nobody could possibly have less than you

be thankful for what you do have because it could all be gone tomorrow

i learned all that from my parents. i learned all that from my dad really. from watching him live. i'm all into this shit now and it's my blog anyway, so fuck it. another 12 minutes isn't going to kill me...

five years ago or so when i was on the first year of this new career i had the occasion to meet someone that my brother used to know as a kid. it's funny, even though my brother and i were only 2 years apart, none of our friends were the same, so all his friends know me as "s. sister" at any rate... this guy, now grown, began to tell me how my mom and dad saved him from the streets when he was 13 and 14 because they would let him come into their bakery during the midnight hours and hang out and even teach him how to do things, which kept him from running with older boys who were into drugs. this kid came from a huge family and his home life wasn't all that great and my parents bakery at night became his home away from home, and because of them, he never went to juvy like so many other kids did that he ran with.

you know, that was my dad. he was always so concerned he wasn't a good father to his own kids because of all the drinking and bipolar shit, and yet he did good stuff for anybody he came in contact with that needed a hand.

now, at this point in my life, i realize that my dad banked his whole life on karma. he did good things for other people with no payback in mind and went on his merry way and eventually, through fate's window, karma would bring good things back to us. that's the way it worked. there was no real plan involved with my parents. there was never a scheme. it was just based on karma and fate. i think my dad had a pretty good philosophy for someone that grew up in a shitty orphanage and had a bitch mother who committed suicide and made sure he knew it was his fault. he never let that keep him from helping other people and he never asked for anything back, it was all just good will.

so dad, whereever you are today in this house of mine (and i know you are here), i want you to know that you did a good job with me. i am strong, i am independent and all that shit we went through was no accident, it was all fate and karma. and i'm coated in good karma these days, because i'm living those lessons. my bank account sucks, but i don't care. i have good friends and i'm laughing. i am still giving, because i know that there are people who don't have it half as good as me.

now i'm off ... it's 43 minutes past where i started from, but i feel good and ready to go...

peace people, be well :)