not so fucked

so things are things.

there are so many very stressful things going on in my little world right now, but hey i'm hanging in. and i just keep smiling and laughing about it when i can, because you know, that's all i can do sometimes. i've had a headache for about 10 days running save for a blessed sunday reprieve.

i am trying to compartmentalize it, because if for one moment i allow one to carry into the other, then i would have total chaos in my life. i have to leave the work at work and the home at home. it's amazing really that nobody at work has a clue about what goes on once i leave there. one person whom i trust has a slight inkling but she really has no deep down idea.

sometimes i think nobody really has a deep down idea.

i can look at my life and say "hey, that's fucked up there" or think that really, it's not so fucked up after all. but mostly i look around and think i have it better than a lot of people. i have this one part of my life that is so completely happy and wonderful. i'm so emotionally fulfilled, i'm so secure in what i have. i don't need to question the foundation or the reality of my relationship or the depth of the emotion involved... i know what it is. and when i think of all i have ... then it's really not so very fucked up... it's not anything i can't get through.

that's what love does to us ... it makes us feel like there's nothing we can't get through.