all the sugar in the world

isn't it amazing how just a few well placed words from the right man at the right time can change your perspective on things?

i've never particularly considered myself high maintenance, but i'm telling you kids, there are times when i can be a pill. i get all whiny and needy and cranky and i need to be told things. it's stuff i know, but it's stuff i want to hear anyway. and i want to hear it without having to ask to hear it and i want to hear it more than occasionally.

i think i became addicted to it when i was a kid.
praise. praise for being a good girl, for getting good grades, for doing the right thing all the time. but when i was a kid there was one thing missing from all the praise. it seems when i recall the things that were said to me then nobody ever focused on me being pretty or cute or whatever the word of the day for that phenomena was.

it's all pretty easy to understand actually.
my brother was the athletic one. my sister was the pretty one. i was the smart one.
and now what is it all about? it's all about feeling that thing i never felt when i was a kid, that i am the pretty one.

i know it's a pain in the ass that i need to be told that from time to time.
but dammit, i am a woman with my own set of issues and it's important to me that i hear every once in a while how lovely i am, how sweet i am, how good i smell, how soft i am.

it's gotta be hard for the boyfriend. how can he say those things when he can't even see me every single day? but i think that he can go back and draw from his memory banks and come up with a time i was as beautiful as i want him to tell me i am.

maybe i have a huge issue with this.

i don't need him to tell me to validate it or validate me...

i just want all the sugar in the world dammit !