crabby crab

grrrrrrrrr
grrrrrrrrr
grrrrrrrr

and good morning

i woke up in a cranky, angry mood this morning and i don't know why. well, i know part of the reason i guess. i stumbled out of the bedroom and into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and the entire house is trashed, simply trashed, and my dryer is broken. and i seem to have raised the two laziest children on the face of the planet.

i need to make really good use of my time today and do some major housework and cleaning and get some things done around here that really need to be done. i need to get the laundry room cleaned out enough that the dryer repair man actually has enough room to work on the dryer if he needs to. and i should go ahead and unpack and move the rest of the boxes and get things settled in there and pictures rehung and make it look like people live here again.

i also need to go to the bank and go get the oil changed in my car and at some point go to the laundrymat.

but i don't know if i dare go out.

if i go out then i may just run the streets and spend money that should be spent on other things and that wouldn't be wise to do. and i'm not so sure i have the willpower to not spend it on things that are bad.

this would be such a great day for me to have a keeper :(

sometimes in my manic state i so desperately need a keeper. i need someone to keep me from doing those self destructive things i'm going to regret later and feel bad about later. i need someone today to go with me to the store and the bank and put back the stuff i don't need and make me only get the things i really need. i need someone to take my keys away and tell me i don't need to go out roaming the streets looking for trouble... i need someone to stay here and make me do my chores.

i'm not 5
i just don't have any self control when i get this way.

and it's not an issue of knowing right from wrong or wanting to be good or not ...
it's something i can't control
it's this feeling once i get out there that i'm invincible and that nothing bad could possibly happen to me if i get off task ...
until later when i start coming down from the manic part and then i figure out what i've done.

i think that is the crabby mood setting in
the restless mood
the mood of knowing that i just want to be shed of this skin and this place

well my boy is here now
maybe i shall talk to him and he will make this all better
sometimes he does you know
peace