the list

listen up kids!

i gotta list to do.

god that's funny.
man
i used to live by lists
i was so dictated to and by and i was such a fucking mental mess
i had all these fucking lists.
it's hysterical to me now.

i was in this messed up place at the time. everything in my life was messed up. work, home, bad relationships with men that made me crazy.... so i had all these fuckin lists.

i had a journal of lists. that's how fuckin sick it was.
do you want a life where you need a list to stay alive?

but now, it's so much better and different
i have this list see, what a list.
it's like this little empowerment list. everything i do on it makes me one step closer to freedom, everything i do on it brings me one step closer to the one i love.

so this is not an oppressive list
it's a list of incredible possibilities waiting to be fulfilled
so i can have what i want in the end.

but still ... it's one huge fuckin list.

i'm gonna be busy from now til about 5ish tonight running and moving and doing ...
but hey
i've got the best playlists in the world ya know
it's all the songs i have listened to with him ...

i think he gets it
he must afterall
he knows how bad i'm crushin on him just now

i feel like a teenage girl waitin on her first date just now...
knowing it's coming and when and what time
all these little preparations
for that one special *boy*

and the funny thing is ... if i tell the truth about it
of all the first dates i've ever had in my life
the only one i remember is the one i had with him ...

i gotta get busy!
i have a date soon !
we have green green green at 10 am
let's go racin' boys !