bad moon rising ... mind games and bastards

i had another nightmare last night.
i seem to be having them regularly these days.

last night i had this dream that i went away on a conference and i came back home only to find that the exhusband and somehow let himself into the house and he and his father (who despises me, by the way) had taken mud and dirt and water and soaked my pristine, freshly repaired and painted walls.

when i walked through the door and saw them i just sobbed.

there was mud on the floor a quarter inch thick where they had just let it run down the walls and pool at the baseboards and the whole room was ruined. and for the rest of my dream all i could do was weep and say "why did he do that? why would he be so mean and do that?"

and then i wake up this morning to find an email in my in box from his fathers email address, but supposedly written by him about the bills he is willing to help me pay ... the grand total he is willing to contribute to household expenses ... $35 a month.

i'm going to try to talk nicely to him today ...
if he cannot be reasoned with then on monday i will call attorney and set in motion the steps to file for divorce... as of august 13th the necessary waiting days will be over and we will see just how much the courts say he has to pay. because $35 a month is bullshit.

it's 8:49 in the morning and already i'm all in knots over his antics.

i'm not playing any games with him at this point. he can put his money where his mouth is voluntarily or i will pull it out of his tight ass the legal way. i don't care. my survival comes first now.

i'm sick and fucking tired of being miss nicey nice.
and kids, let me tell you, at this point, i really don't need or care for his bullshit. he's 54 years old and he needs to quit letting daddy call the shots. maybe he can just borrow the money he owes me for these bills from his rich daddy and we'll call it goodbye? i don't care and i won't care... but one way or another i intend to collect that motherfucking money. i have paid every bill for nearly 3 years while he's been out of work in one way or another and i've had enough... he's a grown man and it's time he learned, if you play you pay. if he could be generous enough to pay his last wife spousal support to help with a kid that wasn't even his, then by gawd he can help me pay for the bills that ARE his.

and as for the email i got from his daddy's address supposedly written by him ....
i'm not in the mood for mind games and i won't be played ...
if he wants to toy with me, he picked the wrong fucking chick to toy with.
i'm not a toy, i'm a woman and a smart, resourceful one at that.
i'm not even going to play the game, i'm going to let my lawyer play with him, afterall, that's why i pay him the big bucks.

peace kids.