early morning ramblings
i have decided that anyone who calls my house before 9 am is going to be blocked and if i find them i may shoot them with my water pistola.
i didn't go to bed until well after midnight because a sleepy child swore she couldn't sleep in her own bed and wanted to sleep with me. so she came in and got in my bed and forced me awake until nearly 1am. so the phone rings at 7:45 and it is my dumb sister calling wanting to chit chat. ummm, excuse me, just because you have to get up with the early birds to catch worms doesn't mean that the people in this house do.... so quit calling us !!!!!!!!! her phone calls in the mornings will wake the whole house if i don't leap out of bed and get to the phone by the third ring. honestly, she knows it's summertime and she knows we are all staying up late over here, so why in the world would she start calling at before 9am? selfish beast.
so anyway, i'm up.
i have some things to do today.
more packing of his things before i meet him to exchange kids.
then this afternoon going through paperwork and sorting shit papers from paper we actually need to keep.
i need to go to the pharmacy because i took the last of my sleeping pills and mood stabilizers last night ... and i have to take the mood stabilizer daily or i will get seriously off balance. and right now my meds are working perfectly, so to the pharmacy i must go.
i must also get to the bank. i want to set up an overdraft protection account and i have some cash to set that up today that is not needed for anything else at the moment. so i will get that done too.
i'm going to try to stick to the list of places i only "have" to go to. because if i start running the streets and enjoying my afternoon out without kids, then i will never come home and actually get the work done that i need to get done. so it cannot be a free day, as much as i wish it could be.
my sister actually wants him to have the kids for father's day. she isn't being generous, she is just pissed at her boyfriend and she doesn't want the kids over there bugging her because she is going to already have his 3 kids here and to add her own 2 kids into the mix would just be too much for her delicate system to handle. oh well, it works out. he will get to have them for father's day and he should get to spend time with them. if i'm their mother who has raised them all these years, then by all rights he is their father.
as much as i complain and bitch and have hated him, i can honestly say that the majority of the time he was a good father. he did stay up with them when they were sick, he did do things with them and spend time with them. when i was struggling to get through college he picked up most of the parenting chores, taking them to dance class and helping them with their homework. it has just been recently as they have become young ladies and have begun to blossom into their teenage years that he has had difficulty in relating to them.
and perhaps he has fought with them out of frustration in attempting to deal with me. our fights and his frustration with me has surely spilled over, as has my frustration with him. my oldest child told me last night that just in the last two days since he has left she has seen a huge change in me, in the amount of time i spend with them, the way i treat them and the whole atmosphere in which we live. i simply said to her that when two people are as stressed and stretched as he and i were it spills over and makes a whole family toxic. i told her that we will probably all do better with the change. she said she didn't think that he was doing better because when she talks to him he is sad. i said, yes he is sad now, but soon he will see that you girls will not forget about him and it will be okay.
i have to admit that it is better than i thought it would be. all this time i have put this off because i thought my kids couldn't handle it, but they are doing amazingly well, i am sure i've said it before, and i will probably say it a million times more, but i have awesome girls.
they have put in requests for dinner this week since i am actually cooking. one has asked for spaghetti and one has requested chicken enchiladas. the spaghetti is easy and so are the enchiladas even though they are time consuming. i will make them both this week because i need to get back in the habit of cooking and not just heating up frozen stuff from sam's club. god, i'm so glad to be rid of stupid sam's club. my grocery bills when he was doing the shopping were exorbitant. 250 a week or 175 a week for 5 people is ridiculous. and it was mostly because the children would go and see some food they wanted and of course it was always some convenience food that only had to go in the oven for 40 minutes or be popped in the microwave. so now i have to go to the real grocery store and now i have to really cook again. but you know that isn't so bad, because cooking healthy food will make us all healthier, including the bottom line budget.
well i have finished my morning coffee, which was the endpoint of my quiet time and now i have to go get started on my list of goals.
in the words of the wise man
"i will no longer accept excuses, only results"
so onward i go to whistle while i work :)
i didn't go to bed until well after midnight because a sleepy child swore she couldn't sleep in her own bed and wanted to sleep with me. so she came in and got in my bed and forced me awake until nearly 1am. so the phone rings at 7:45 and it is my dumb sister calling wanting to chit chat. ummm, excuse me, just because you have to get up with the early birds to catch worms doesn't mean that the people in this house do.... so quit calling us !!!!!!!!! her phone calls in the mornings will wake the whole house if i don't leap out of bed and get to the phone by the third ring. honestly, she knows it's summertime and she knows we are all staying up late over here, so why in the world would she start calling at before 9am? selfish beast.
so anyway, i'm up.
i have some things to do today.
more packing of his things before i meet him to exchange kids.
then this afternoon going through paperwork and sorting shit papers from paper we actually need to keep.
i need to go to the pharmacy because i took the last of my sleeping pills and mood stabilizers last night ... and i have to take the mood stabilizer daily or i will get seriously off balance. and right now my meds are working perfectly, so to the pharmacy i must go.
i must also get to the bank. i want to set up an overdraft protection account and i have some cash to set that up today that is not needed for anything else at the moment. so i will get that done too.
i'm going to try to stick to the list of places i only "have" to go to. because if i start running the streets and enjoying my afternoon out without kids, then i will never come home and actually get the work done that i need to get done. so it cannot be a free day, as much as i wish it could be.
my sister actually wants him to have the kids for father's day. she isn't being generous, she is just pissed at her boyfriend and she doesn't want the kids over there bugging her because she is going to already have his 3 kids here and to add her own 2 kids into the mix would just be too much for her delicate system to handle. oh well, it works out. he will get to have them for father's day and he should get to spend time with them. if i'm their mother who has raised them all these years, then by all rights he is their father.
as much as i complain and bitch and have hated him, i can honestly say that the majority of the time he was a good father. he did stay up with them when they were sick, he did do things with them and spend time with them. when i was struggling to get through college he picked up most of the parenting chores, taking them to dance class and helping them with their homework. it has just been recently as they have become young ladies and have begun to blossom into their teenage years that he has had difficulty in relating to them.
and perhaps he has fought with them out of frustration in attempting to deal with me. our fights and his frustration with me has surely spilled over, as has my frustration with him. my oldest child told me last night that just in the last two days since he has left she has seen a huge change in me, in the amount of time i spend with them, the way i treat them and the whole atmosphere in which we live. i simply said to her that when two people are as stressed and stretched as he and i were it spills over and makes a whole family toxic. i told her that we will probably all do better with the change. she said she didn't think that he was doing better because when she talks to him he is sad. i said, yes he is sad now, but soon he will see that you girls will not forget about him and it will be okay.
i have to admit that it is better than i thought it would be. all this time i have put this off because i thought my kids couldn't handle it, but they are doing amazingly well, i am sure i've said it before, and i will probably say it a million times more, but i have awesome girls.
they have put in requests for dinner this week since i am actually cooking. one has asked for spaghetti and one has requested chicken enchiladas. the spaghetti is easy and so are the enchiladas even though they are time consuming. i will make them both this week because i need to get back in the habit of cooking and not just heating up frozen stuff from sam's club. god, i'm so glad to be rid of stupid sam's club. my grocery bills when he was doing the shopping were exorbitant. 250 a week or 175 a week for 5 people is ridiculous. and it was mostly because the children would go and see some food they wanted and of course it was always some convenience food that only had to go in the oven for 40 minutes or be popped in the microwave. so now i have to go to the real grocery store and now i have to really cook again. but you know that isn't so bad, because cooking healthy food will make us all healthier, including the bottom line budget.
well i have finished my morning coffee, which was the endpoint of my quiet time and now i have to go get started on my list of goals.
in the words of the wise man
"i will no longer accept excuses, only results"
so onward i go to whistle while i work :)
posted by crazy in kc @ 11:20 AM
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