dreams and mornings

it's toooooooo early, but i was forced out bed by a dog needing a walk, and i kinda needed a walk myself, so i guess it was a good thing. but still, i went to sleep at 2 something and got up at 9, so not a real good night's rest for the wicked.

and the crazy dreams i had.
well one crazy dream. i remember it in vivid technicolor.
somehow i ended up in this little squat, kitchenette motel in this dinky little town called ada, oklahoma. i know it's a real town because i've been through there. how i ended up there in my dream i will never know.

so there i was in this dive motel with this an ex ex boyfriend. and for some reason it was like it was the past. he had put me there because he wanted me to meet his kids, and he wanted me to like his kids, some brady bunch thing. but then the whole thing went bad when he wanted to take a shower and the lady that owned the motel said that the only person who could shower in my room was the occupant of the room, me. so there was this big scene and i was trying to check out and they wouldn't refund my money since for some silly reason i had made reservations to stay in this dump for a whole week. and the whole rest of the dream was about me trying to get my money back. and in my dream i kept thinking "why am i here? i'm not supposed to be here. something about this isn't right" over and over again i kept thinking that and even kept saying it. but i never did figure out what was wrong.

random dreams.
they say that dreams are random firing of neurons across synapse while we sleep. that they mean nothing.
but i think that they have to be fueled by something in our subconscious.

like i think the reason i had that dream about an ex ex boyfriend was because late last night i was reading my old journals from way back in 2002 and 2003 and i was just looking at how much my life had changed, how much happier i am now. so i'm thinking some of the sadness of that time must have carried over into my head when i was sleeping.

i have a lot to do today.
still after being up nearly all night i did not find what i was seeking. i did get some of the closet cleaned out though. that was nice and good. but alas, still not what i wanted.

the temptational forces are strong today.
the temptation to goof off. the temptation to shop when i have no funds. the temptation to go back to bed and spend half the day there.

but i must fight off temptation !

i have only 2 sleeps left until vacation and sooooooooo much remains.

i did feel rather good last night though.
my ever sweet sister in law came over and she said "my god you weren't kidding around when you said he was getting out" she immediately noticed all the packing and removal of his things in the house and what a difference it made.

that in itself made me quite happy :)

have a great day, i know i will :)