it's raining, it's pouring ... la la la la

i made it !
it's the one more sleep day ! tomorrow i leave for several days of rest and relaxation.
i have such a hugeeeeeee list today.

so last night/this morning i ended up going to bed somewhere around 2:46 ish.
at least that was the last time i can recall looking at the stupid clock.
i woke up at 9 this morning to the sound of thunder booming and fat raindrops beating against the windows. i should have, and could have just rolled over and gone back to sleep, but instead i went ahead and got up because i know that it's thursday and i have a gigantic list to do.

i have found that the key to getting my to do list done is to not leave the house.
if i leave the house then i end up running the streets all day and just being "out" in an effort to avoid what is lurkinig here, the big list.

yesterday and the day before were okay because i really did have legitimate errands that took me out of the house. i have one errand to run today, but to do it i really don't need to leave the house until around 2:30, so until then i have pledged to work around here to get the things done that really need doing before i leave town.

like laundry
like packing
like doing my nails
like giving myself a pedicure
like taking care of all those girly needs i have before i can go see the sweet boyfriend.

so i will get off here pretty soon and go get started.

i'm hoping that he doesn't come over here and hang around in the afternoon like he has been doing. he's been taking the child swimming everyday and then when he drops her back off between 3 and 4 he stays to watch her favorite cartoon with her, which starts at 4:30. so then he really does not leave until a little after 5.

here's the thing, it's hard to be a bitch about him just sitting on the couch with her watching television because he's really not bothering me, i mean, usually if i'm in here he doesn't even speak to me. it's just the point that he's here. but for me to tell him that he can't stay and watch this little 30 minute program with her makes me look like a complete bitch to the child. because she thinks we are friends now and she wouldn't understand why, if we are friends, it wouldn't be okay for him to just sit on the couch with her and watch tv. i can't really tell her "because his very presence in this house makes me ill" that's not a fair position to put the kid in.

so i just shut up about it.
i'm going to have to put up with a lot of this stuff not to look like the bad guy.
i'm going to have to put away a lot of my feelings of anger towards him so that he can be around the kids without me looking like psycho mom.

and it's a very hard situation to be in.
i don't want them to hate him, i don't want them to hate me.
it's very good if they think that we are all friends, it is just that mommy and daddy don't love each other like that and can't live together like that. if they think we are friends then they are going to be less likely to try to play us one against the other, which, i know that being very smart kids they are going to try to do. i mean, my goodness, they tried to do it when we were together.

i had seen a flash of something lighter outside my window and thought the sun was trying to peek out, but alas, it is thundering again.

maybe that's an indication that i should empty all these baskets and do this filing i've been putting off, get things in the filing cabinet like they should be, get all the papers put away and be done with that little project before i leave town.

it would be nice to come back and have all that done, that's for sure.

okay well, i am just adding to my list here instead of accomplishing anything.

so peace for the day :)

we shall update on progress tonight !