vacation friday already ...
It’s Friday already…
I still don’t understand how time goes so fast when I don’t want it to. I don’t understand how time can creep by so slowly and then when I’m here with him it can just fly by, 24 hours seems like 10, and before I know it a week has come and gone. I’m so thankful we still have our weekend left together. It’s our favorite time together. We will have raceday together and shoot darts and just chill out and relax and spend all that quality time loving each other.
Last night we had breakfast for dinner. I get in moods where I love breakfast for dinner, something about having bacon and eggs at dinnertime just seems so good. Originally I was going to let him cook it for me because I was afraid I would overcook his bacon or mess up his eggs, but he came home from work and he had worked so hard and he had an aggravating day. So I put away my silly worries about not being able to cook something simple like bacon and eggs and just cooked it. it was kind of cute and funny at the same time, I was cooking up the bacon and he made a comment about bringing home the bacon and me cooking it up nearly barefoot (because I had my flip flops on) and we both laughed and then he smirked and said “and you’ve had enough stuff this week you should be pregnant”. It was funny and we both laughed at the thought of me being nearly barefoot and ripe and cooking up bacon. It’s those funny little moments that make me love him like I do. He could have just went on in the living room and vegged out in front of the tv while I cooked dinner, instead he stayed in the kitchen and talked to me while I cooked and helped me get the eggs ready. It’s just an easy kind of love we have going on.
And I think of what my friend Mike said ‘it’s just 6 little vacations you’ve had, you need to be sure, you need to be really sure’. I gave up on explaining anything to Mike. Sometimes you can’t explain anything to Mike, he simply can’t be told. Once he thinks he knows it all about a subject, then he becomes an expert in his own mind and he will not relinquish or give an inch. So I could marry the sweet boy and we could be married 50 happy years and still Mike would carry on and say ‘it’s just 50 little years, you need to be sure, you need to be really sure.’
It’s really inconsequential, what Mike says, or what anyone says for that matter. People will always have something to say when they see two happy people. When we finally come out of the closet with this relationship to my family and friends back home I expect there to be a bit of backlash from some of my friends and family with comments like “you don’t need a man to make you happy, when will you realize that” or “you just got out of one marriage, why would you want to do that again”. Or there will be those who will think it but will not say it. It won’t do a bit of again to argue to these people, to try to prove my point, to try to show them how wrong they are. None of that will possibly work. The only thing that is going to prove to them how wrong they are is to live my life, call my shots, marry this man I love, and live my life in my version of happily ever after.
So I’m on this wonderful, relaxing vacation. All stress and worry are supposed to be seeping from my veins and bones, and yet I’m still being called from way back home. My mother called me yesterday because the future ex wanted his birth certificate and he had given it to me to file away. Well, now apparently, while I’m 1200 miles away (and he knows this by the way) he has decided that he desperately needs it. So mom called me because he was ready to sit and dig into all of my newly separated files. I was glad that she called because it wasn’t even in the file cabinet that he wanted to go through. I told her exactly where it was and she gave it to him so he could go and be on his merry fucking way.
Then mom gave me more good news, my unstable sister (gotta love her because she is the only sister I have) is moving out of her boyfriend’s place and getting her own place. This is good news; this is great news, because he has the capacity to be an abusive jerk. The bad news in this, the stressful news, the news that made me sick to my stomach, is that she is incapable of living alone and in her need to not live alone she made a statement that she wanted the girls to live with her again. Now, the girls are my children and have been since they were 2 and 4 years old when she abandoned them at my house. I have raised them ever since. Suddenly, now that she may be living alone, she is making noises about possibly wanting them back (which she has done before). I don’t see this as something that will come to pass. I was quite upset about it yesterday when I got off the phone with mom, but I realized as I sat here that this is not something that is going to come to pass. My sister has never raised her own children and now that one is a teenager and one is a pre-teen, she has no idea what is really involved in taking care of them. I think she believes that the hard part is over and that they are self sufficient… she has no idea how far from the truth that is. Now is the time for vigilance. There is nothing scarier than a computer savvy 13 year old that looks and acts like she is 16 or older. Being vigilant and knowing where she is and what she is doing at all times is the only way to keep her from doing something potentially stupid. My sister is too self absorbed to be concerned with worrying about a 13 year old. So really, I’m not too awfully concerned that this will happen, and if it does, they won’t live with her for long because she will not be able to handle the skirmishes that occur over lip gloss and earrings and the daily struggle for them not to breathe each other’s air.
I was in a funk about all this bad news from home yesterday afternoon and when he got home from work we talked about it all and he helped me to see how useless and crazy all the worrying really was. I know her and I know her patterns, this new interest in motherhood is a flash in the pan and will never last. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the separation from her boyfriend doesn’t last over 2 months. (so place your bets now)
The bombing in the tubes and of the bus in London yesterday made me very sad for the state of our world and for all the people who were affected. It’s terrible that we live in a world where people cannot be safe going to and from work, it’s sad that there are people out there who live for the mission to destroy others. Everybody has a theory, I’ve been watching them all talk about them on the news channels. My personal theory is that the attacks were planned after the announcement of the London as the chosen place for the Olympic games so that the terrorist could basically say “look, we can get to you anytime, anywhere we want to”. Terrorism is meant to create fear and terror, hence the name terrorism. The psychological message sent is supposed to be more damaging than the physical, which becomes collateral damage. I’m sure terrorist experts would disagree with my simplistic views, afterall, I’m just the girl next door, but it seems to me that they want to show us all that none of us are ever safe. The problem is that they underestimate the feelings that people have of patriotism and the resolve not to give in to the fear that terrorism is supposed to create. Oh well, it’s only my two cents worth.
I’m off to the pool soon, for my last day of sunshine to work on my tan before I return home. Oh the sun will shine tomorrow I’m sure, but tomorrow my sweet boyfriend will not be working and all my time will be reserved for him. I want to spend all my last minutes with him, doing all those things that will keep me whole until I get to see him again.
Enjoy the day!
I still don’t understand how time goes so fast when I don’t want it to. I don’t understand how time can creep by so slowly and then when I’m here with him it can just fly by, 24 hours seems like 10, and before I know it a week has come and gone. I’m so thankful we still have our weekend left together. It’s our favorite time together. We will have raceday together and shoot darts and just chill out and relax and spend all that quality time loving each other.
Last night we had breakfast for dinner. I get in moods where I love breakfast for dinner, something about having bacon and eggs at dinnertime just seems so good. Originally I was going to let him cook it for me because I was afraid I would overcook his bacon or mess up his eggs, but he came home from work and he had worked so hard and he had an aggravating day. So I put away my silly worries about not being able to cook something simple like bacon and eggs and just cooked it. it was kind of cute and funny at the same time, I was cooking up the bacon and he made a comment about bringing home the bacon and me cooking it up nearly barefoot (because I had my flip flops on) and we both laughed and then he smirked and said “and you’ve had enough stuff this week you should be pregnant”. It was funny and we both laughed at the thought of me being nearly barefoot and ripe and cooking up bacon. It’s those funny little moments that make me love him like I do. He could have just went on in the living room and vegged out in front of the tv while I cooked dinner, instead he stayed in the kitchen and talked to me while I cooked and helped me get the eggs ready. It’s just an easy kind of love we have going on.
And I think of what my friend Mike said ‘it’s just 6 little vacations you’ve had, you need to be sure, you need to be really sure’. I gave up on explaining anything to Mike. Sometimes you can’t explain anything to Mike, he simply can’t be told. Once he thinks he knows it all about a subject, then he becomes an expert in his own mind and he will not relinquish or give an inch. So I could marry the sweet boy and we could be married 50 happy years and still Mike would carry on and say ‘it’s just 50 little years, you need to be sure, you need to be really sure.’
It’s really inconsequential, what Mike says, or what anyone says for that matter. People will always have something to say when they see two happy people. When we finally come out of the closet with this relationship to my family and friends back home I expect there to be a bit of backlash from some of my friends and family with comments like “you don’t need a man to make you happy, when will you realize that” or “you just got out of one marriage, why would you want to do that again”. Or there will be those who will think it but will not say it. It won’t do a bit of again to argue to these people, to try to prove my point, to try to show them how wrong they are. None of that will possibly work. The only thing that is going to prove to them how wrong they are is to live my life, call my shots, marry this man I love, and live my life in my version of happily ever after.
So I’m on this wonderful, relaxing vacation. All stress and worry are supposed to be seeping from my veins and bones, and yet I’m still being called from way back home. My mother called me yesterday because the future ex wanted his birth certificate and he had given it to me to file away. Well, now apparently, while I’m 1200 miles away (and he knows this by the way) he has decided that he desperately needs it. So mom called me because he was ready to sit and dig into all of my newly separated files. I was glad that she called because it wasn’t even in the file cabinet that he wanted to go through. I told her exactly where it was and she gave it to him so he could go and be on his merry fucking way.
Then mom gave me more good news, my unstable sister (gotta love her because she is the only sister I have) is moving out of her boyfriend’s place and getting her own place. This is good news; this is great news, because he has the capacity to be an abusive jerk. The bad news in this, the stressful news, the news that made me sick to my stomach, is that she is incapable of living alone and in her need to not live alone she made a statement that she wanted the girls to live with her again. Now, the girls are my children and have been since they were 2 and 4 years old when she abandoned them at my house. I have raised them ever since. Suddenly, now that she may be living alone, she is making noises about possibly wanting them back (which she has done before). I don’t see this as something that will come to pass. I was quite upset about it yesterday when I got off the phone with mom, but I realized as I sat here that this is not something that is going to come to pass. My sister has never raised her own children and now that one is a teenager and one is a pre-teen, she has no idea what is really involved in taking care of them. I think she believes that the hard part is over and that they are self sufficient… she has no idea how far from the truth that is. Now is the time for vigilance. There is nothing scarier than a computer savvy 13 year old that looks and acts like she is 16 or older. Being vigilant and knowing where she is and what she is doing at all times is the only way to keep her from doing something potentially stupid. My sister is too self absorbed to be concerned with worrying about a 13 year old. So really, I’m not too awfully concerned that this will happen, and if it does, they won’t live with her for long because she will not be able to handle the skirmishes that occur over lip gloss and earrings and the daily struggle for them not to breathe each other’s air.
I was in a funk about all this bad news from home yesterday afternoon and when he got home from work we talked about it all and he helped me to see how useless and crazy all the worrying really was. I know her and I know her patterns, this new interest in motherhood is a flash in the pan and will never last. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that the separation from her boyfriend doesn’t last over 2 months. (so place your bets now)
The bombing in the tubes and of the bus in London yesterday made me very sad for the state of our world and for all the people who were affected. It’s terrible that we live in a world where people cannot be safe going to and from work, it’s sad that there are people out there who live for the mission to destroy others. Everybody has a theory, I’ve been watching them all talk about them on the news channels. My personal theory is that the attacks were planned after the announcement of the London as the chosen place for the Olympic games so that the terrorist could basically say “look, we can get to you anytime, anywhere we want to”. Terrorism is meant to create fear and terror, hence the name terrorism. The psychological message sent is supposed to be more damaging than the physical, which becomes collateral damage. I’m sure terrorist experts would disagree with my simplistic views, afterall, I’m just the girl next door, but it seems to me that they want to show us all that none of us are ever safe. The problem is that they underestimate the feelings that people have of patriotism and the resolve not to give in to the fear that terrorism is supposed to create. Oh well, it’s only my two cents worth.
I’m off to the pool soon, for my last day of sunshine to work on my tan before I return home. Oh the sun will shine tomorrow I’m sure, but tomorrow my sweet boyfriend will not be working and all my time will be reserved for him. I want to spend all my last minutes with him, doing all those things that will keep me whole until I get to see him again.
Enjoy the day!
posted by crazy in kc @ 12:02 PM
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